This Phonetic Labyrinth

try it out to believe it!

This is a poem that was given in 1974 to Class RII at Stockholm’s Higher General Secondary School for Girls, Norrmalm by a temporary teacher whose name has been forgotten. It is one of the most well-known poems that ‘showcases’ the complexity in English pronunciations. You may find quite a number of variants of this poems from the Internet. The version recorded here is supposedly the original version.

Dearest creature ˈkriːʧər in creation kriˈeɪʃən,
Studying English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse.
Sounds like corpse kɔːrps, corps kɔːr, horse hɔːrs, and worse wɜːrs —
It will keep you, Susy ˈsuːzi, busy ˈbɪzi,
Make your head hed with heat hiːt grow dizzy.
Tear tɪə in eye, your dress you’ll tear teə —
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer preə:
Pray preɪ console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new njuː, dear, sew soʊ it!

Just compare heart hɑːt, beard bɪəd, and heard hɜːd,
Dies daɪz and diet ˈdaɪət, lord lɔːrd and word wɜːrd,
Sword sɔːrd and sward swɔːrd, retain rɪˈteɪn and Britain ˈbrɪtən
(Mind the latter, how it’s written).
Made meɪd has not the sound of bade bæd‖beɪd;
Say seɪ – said sed, pay peɪ – paid peɪd, laid leɪd, but plaid plæd.
Now I surely will not plague pleɪɡ you
With such words as vague veɪɡ and ague ˈeɪɡjuː.
But be careful how you speak spiːk:
Say break breɪk and steak steɪk, but bleak bliːk and streak striːk.

Previous ˈpriːviəs, precious ˈpreʃəs, fuchsia ˈfjuːʃə, via ˈvaɪə‖ˈviːə;
Pipe paɪp, snipe snaɪp, recipe ˈresɪpi and choir ˈkwaɪə;
Cloven ˈkloʊvən, oven ˈʌvən; how haʊ and low loʊ;
Script skrɪpt, receipt rɪˈsiːt; shoe ʃuː, poem ˈpoʊɪm, toe toʊ.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery ˈtrɪkəri:
Daughter ˈdɔːtər, laughter ˈlɑːftər and Terpsichore tɜːpˈsɪkəri;
Typhoid ˈtaɪfɔɪd, measles ˈmiːzəlz, topsails ˈtɒpseɪlz, aisles aɪlz;
Exiles ˈeksaɪlz, similes ˈsɪmɪliz, reviles rɪˈvaɪlz;
Wholly ˈhoʊl.li, holly ˈhɒli, signal ˈsɪgnəl, signing ˈsaɪnɪŋ;
Thames temz, examining ɪɡˈzæmɪnɪŋ, combining kəmˈbaɪnɪŋ.

Scholar ˈskɒlər, vicar ˈvɪkər and cigar sɪˈɡɑːr;
Solar ˈsoʊlər, mica ˈmaɪkər, war wɔːr and far fɑːr.
From desire dɪˈzaɪə to desirable dɪˈzaɪərəbəl, admirable ˈædmərəbəl from admire ədˈmaɪə.
Lumber ˈlʌmbər, plumber ˈplʌmər; bier bɪə but brier ˈbraɪə;
Chatham ˈʧætəm, brougham ˈbruːəm; renown rɪˈnaʊn but known noʊn,
From knowledge ˈnɒlɪʤ; done dʌn, but gone ɡɒn and tone toʊn;
One wʌn, anemone əˈneməni; Balmoral;
Kitchen ˈkɪʧɪn, lichen ˈlaɪkən; laundry ˈlɔːndri, laurel ˈlɒrəl;
Gertrude ˈɡɜːtruːd, German ˈʤɜːrmən; wind wɪnd and mind maɪnd.
Scene siːn, Melpomene melˈpɒmɪniː, mankind;
Tortoise ˈtɔːrtəs, turquoise ˈtɜːrkwɔɪz, chamois-leather ˈʃæmwɑː ˌleðər;
Reading ˈredɪŋ, reading ˈriːdɪŋ, heathen ˈhiːðən, heather ˈheðər.

This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss mɒs, gross ɡroʊs, brook brʊk, brooch broʊʧ, ninth naɪnθ and plinth plɪnθ.
Billet ˈbɪlɪt does not end like ballet ˈbæleɪ‖bæˈleɪ,
Bouquet boʊˈkeɪ‖buːˈkeɪ, wallet ˈwɒlɪt, mallet ˈmælɪt, chalet ˈʃæleɪ‖ʃæˈleɪ.
Blood blʌd and flood flʌd are not like food fuːd,
Nor is mould moʊld like would wʊd and should ʃʊd.
Banquet ˈbæŋkwɪt is not nearly parquet ˈpɑːkeɪ‖pɑːrˈkeɪ,
Which is said to rhyme with “darky.”
Viscous ˈvɪskəs, viscount ˈvaɪkaʊnt, load loʊd and broad brɔːd;
Toward təˈwɔːd‖twɔːrd, to forward ˈfɔːrwərd, to reward rɪˈwɔːrd.

And your pronunciation’s O.K.,
When you say correctly croquet ˈkrəʊkeɪ‖kroʊˈkeɪ;
Rounded ˈraʊndɪd, wounded ˈwuːndɪd; grieve ɡriːv and sieve sɪv;
Friend frend and fiend fiːnd; alive əˈlaɪv and live lɪv;
Liberty ˈlɪbəti, library ˈlaɪbrəri, heave hiːv and heaven ˈhevən;
Rachel ˈreɪʧəl, ache eɪk, moustache məˈstɑːʃ; eleven.
We say hallowed ˈhæloʊd, but allowed əˈlaʊd;
People ˈpiːpəl, leopard ˈlepərd; towed toʊd but vowed vaʊd.

Mark the differences, moreover mɔːrˈoʊvər,
Twixt mover ˈmuːvər, plover ˈplʌvər, Dover ˈdəʊvə;
Leeches ˈliːʧɪs, breeches ˈbrɪʧɪz; wise waɪz, precise prɪˈsaɪs;
Chalice ˈʧælɪs, but police pəˈliːs and lice laɪs;
Camel, constable ˈkʌnstəbəl, unstable ʌnˈsteɪbəl;
Principle ˈprɪnsɪpəl, disciple dɪˈsaɪpəl; label;
Petal ˈpetl, penal ˈpiːnl and canal kəˈnæl;
Wait weɪt, surmise sərˈmaɪz, plait plæt, promise ˈprɒmɪs, pal.
Suit sjuːt, suite swiːt, ruin ˈruːɪn]; circuit ˈsɜːrkɪt, conduit ˈkɒndɪt‖ˈkɒndjuɪt
Rhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it.”
But it’s very hard to tell,
Why it’s pall pɔːl, mall mɔːl, but Pall Mall pæl mæl.

Muscle ˈmʌsəl, muscular ˈmʌskjʊlər; gaol ʤeɪl]; iron ˈaɪərn;
Timber ˈtɪmbər, climber ˈklaɪmər; bullion ˈbʊljən, lion ˈlaɪən;
Worm wɜːrm and storm stɔːrm; chaise ʃeɪz, chaos ˈkeɪ.ɒs, chair ʧeə;
Senator ˈsenətər, spectator spekˈteɪtə‖ˈspekteɪtər, mayor meə‖ˈmeɪər.
Ivy ˈaɪvi, privy ˈprɪvi; famous ˈfeɪməs; clamour ˈklæmər
And enamour ɪˈnæmər rhyme with hammer.

Pussy ˈpʊsi, hussy ˈhʌsi and possess;
desert ˈdezərt‖dɪˈzɜːrt, but dessert dɪˈzɜːrt, address.
Golf ɡɒlf, wolf wʊlf; countenance ˈkaʊntɪnəns; lieutenants lefˈtenənts‖luːˈtenənts
Hoist , in lieu ljuː of flags, left pennants ˈpenənts.
River ˈrɪvər, rival ˈraɪvəl; tomb tuːm, bomb bɒm, comb koʊm;
Doll dɒl and roll roʊl and some sʌm and home hoʊm.
Stranger ˈstreɪnʤər does not rhyme with anger ˈæŋɡər,
Neither does devour dɪˈvaʊə with clangour ˈklæŋər.
Soul soʊl but foul faʊl, and gaunt ɡɔːnt, but aunt ɑːnt;
Font fɒnt, front frʌnt, wont wəʊnt‖wɒːnt, want wɒnt, grand grænd and grant grɑːnt.

Shoes ʃuːz, goes ɡoʊz, does dʌz. Now first say finger ˈfɪŋɡər,
And then singer ˈsɪŋər, ginger ˈʤɪnʤər, linger ˈlɪŋɡər.
Real rɪəl, zeal ziːl; mauve moʊv, gauze ɡɔːz] and gauge ɡeɪʤ;
Marriage ˈmærɪʤ, foliage ˈfoʊli.ɪʤ, mirage ˈmɪrɑːʒ and age eɪʤ.
Query ˈkwɪəri does not rhyme with very ˈveri,
Nor does fury ˈfjʊəri sound like bury ˈberi.
Dost dʌst, lost lɒst, post poʊst and doth dʌθ, cloth klɒθ, loth loʊθ;
Job ʤoʊb, job ʤɒb; blossom ˈblɒsəm, bosom ˈbʊzəm, oath oʊð.
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual ˈækʧuəl but victual ˈvɪtl.

Seat siːt, sweat swet; chaste ʧeɪst, caste kɑːst; Leigh liː, eight eɪt, height haɪt;
Put pʊt, nut nʌt; granite ˈɡrænɪt but unite juːˈnaɪt.
Reefer ˈriːfər does not rhyme with deafer ˈdefər.
Feoffer ˈfefər does, and zephyr ˈzefər, heifer ˈhefər.
Dull dʌl, bull bʊl; Geoffrey ˈʤefri, George ʤɔːrʤ]; ate eɪt, late leɪt;
Hint hɪnt, pint paɪnt; senate ˈsenɪt, but sedate sɪˈdeɪt;
Scenic, Arabic, pacific;
Science ˈsaɪəns, conscience ˈkɒnʃəns, scientific ˌsaɪənˈtɪfɪk;
Tour tʊə, but our aʊə, and succour ˈsʌkər, four fɔːr;
Core provides a rhyme for door.
Gas ɡæs, alas əˈlæs‖əˈlɑːs and Arkansas ˈɑːkənsɒːr.
Sea siː, idea aɪˈdɪə, guinea ˈɡɪni, area ˈeəriə.
Psalm sɑːm, but malaria məˈleəriə;
Youth juːθ, south saʊθ, southern ˈsʌðərn; cleanse klenz, but clean kliːn;
Doctrine ˈdɒktrɪn, turpentine ˈtɜːrpəntaɪn, marine məˈriːn,
Compare alien ˈeɪliən with Italian ɪˈtæliən,
Dandelion ˈdændəlaɪən with battalion bəˈtæljən.
Sally ˈsæli with ally ˈælaɪ‖əˈlaɪ; yea jeɪ, ye jiː —
Eye aɪ, I aɪ, ay eɪ, aye aɪ, whey weɪ, key kiː, quay kiː!

Say aver əˈvɜːr, but ever ˈevər, fever ˈfiːvər,
Neither ˈnaɪðə‖ˈniːðər, leisure ˈleʒə‖ˈliːzər, skein skeɪn, receiver rɪˈsiːvər,
Never guess — it’s not safe.
We say calves kɑːvz, valves vælvz, half hɑːf, but Ralf rɑːlf.
Heron, granary ˈɡrænəri, canary kəˈneəri;
Crevice ˈkrevɪs and device dɪˈvaɪs and eyrie;
Face feɪs but preface ˈprefɪs, but efface ɪˈfeɪs;
Phlegm flem, phlegmatic fleɡˈmætɪk; ass æs, glass ɡlɑːs, bass beɪs‖bæs;
Large lɑːʤ, but target ˈtɑːɡɪt; gin ʤɪn, give ɡɪv, verging ˈvɜːrʤɪŋ;
Ought ɔːt, out aʊt, joust ʤaʊst] and scour skaʊə, scourging ˈskɜːrʤɪŋ.
Ear ɪə, earn ɜːrn; and wear weə and tear teə‖tɪə
Do not rhyme with “here hɪə” and “there ðeə‖ðər” but “ere eə.”

Seven ˈsevən is right, but so is even ˈiːvən,
Hyphen ˈhaɪfən, roughen ˈrʌfən, nephew ˈnefjuː, Stephen ˈstiːvən;
Monkey ˈmʌŋki, donkey ˈdɒŋki, clerk klɑːrk and jerk ʤɜːrk;
Asp æsp, grasp ɡrɑːsp, wasp wɒsp; and cork kɔːrk and work wɜːrk.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche —
Is a paling, stout and spiky,
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing “groats” and saying “grits.”
It’s a dark abyss, or tunnel ˈtʌnl,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale ˈɡʌnl;
Islington ˈɪzlɪŋtən and Isle aɪl of Wight;
Housewife, verdict ˈvɜːrdɪkt and indict ɪnˈdaɪt.

Don’t you think so, reader, rather ˈrɑːðər
Saying lather ˈlɑːðər‖ˈlæðər, bather ˈbeɪðər, father ˈfɑːðər?
Finally, which rhymes with “enough ɪˈnʌf” —
Though ðoʊ, through θruː, plough plaʊ, cough kɒf, hough hɒk,
Or tough tʌf?
Hiccough ˈhɪkʌp has the sound of “cup.”
My advice is — give it up!!!

I found it extremely tricky, if not impossible at all, for myself to really read out the whole poem correctly without consulting the dictionary from time to time. For your convenience, I’ve actually annotated the keywords with IPA notation that reveals itself when the mouse pointer hovers over a keyword.